my problem is not the lack of preparation.

We had our annual gingerbread house-decorating party this weekend — although, as Pd pointed out, this time it was less of a gingerbread-decorating party than a party that happened to have an overabundance of candy in it. Nonetheless: there was gingerbread, there was the killer eggnog, and there was panic in the kitchen. That's about par for the course.

Because I am me, I made a schedule for the food, including how long things should be in the oven, and what order they should go in, and approximate times for everything. I printed it all very neatly onto Post-Its and stuck them to my cookbook holder in the kitchen:


I felt very secure and proud that this year, everything would be happy in the kitchen — people would not take the killer eggnog on an empty stomach, and there would be no traffic jam at the oven at 9 o'clock, caused by drunk and ravenous partyers trying to cram as many boxes of frozen appetizers into the oven as possible. It was going to be good.

The reality was a little ... different. To whit, Pd and I had the following conversation about an hour into the party:

Me: (somewhat in dispair) I had this whole schedule, and now it's just full of crap.
Pd: I know, sweetie.
Me: CRAP!
Pd: Your schedule was completely unrealistic.
Me: Then why didn't you say something when I showed it to you yesterday?
Pd: I didn't want to discourage you.

Bah. But, to show you what he meant, and because I like to document the full extent of my own massive fail whenever possible, this is what I served:

1. Home-made pizza, cut into small slices
2. Smoked salmon and smoked tuna, on cream cheese and toasted baguette
3. Panini sandwiches
4. Bruschetta (ditto)
5. Roasted garlic (with bread)
6. Bacon-wrapped sausages
7. Standard cheese and pate plate
8. Baked brie (camembert, actually) with phyllo and chutney

And this is what I have the ingredients for in my refrigerator (or freezer), having run out of time to actually make them:

9. Meatballs
10. Crab cakes
11. Garlicky shrimp with vermouth
12. Chocolate fondue
13. The other baked brie

I made everything from scratch, except for the meatballs. That may have been a tactical error. I had a lot of help — some volunteered, some conscripted — but apparently trying to push the first 7 items out of my kitchen, within two and a half hours, while hosting, was somewhat unreasonable. Or so I was told (you know, after my attempt. Not before).

It is not easy being a foodie host. *sadface*

I will post pictures of the gingerbread houses tomorrow. I need to go recover what little of my poise is left.